Who Wants to Be a Martyr?

As part of the preparation for the Take Back Your 9-5! Women's Career Empowerment Retreat, a fellow nonprofit colleague emailed me this nugget of wisdom:

Most of us tend to overlook taking care of ourselves as we get caught up in taking care of our organizations/colleagues/clients/etc. Developing a community of professional women in the nonprofit world who validate and encourage each other in the area of self care would be a great start toward dismantling the martyr culture in the nonprofit sector.

Some of you may be scratching your heads right now. Martyr culture? Yep, right here in our very nonprofit sector of helping others and empowering the homeless and poverty-stricken, in our missions of assisting the elderly and pushing our youth to succeed, most of us behave like we are the victims within our own organizations. How many times have you heard people say, "If I didn't kill myself working 70 hours a week, there's no way everything would get done around here." Or, "I'm so bummed I had to come in to the office last weekend to write 30 grant proposals and missed seeing my favorite band perform in concert." Or my favorite, "My nonprofit takes up so much of my time, I really don't have much of a personal life." This is all the behavior consistent with the definition of a martyr: one who suffers for the sake of principle or for a particular cause.

But how can this be? Most of us came to the nonprofit sector because we want to help our communities, not put ourselves in misery for a job that requires long hours and low pay. But that's exactly what many of us do, myself included. We often don't realize that, as my best friend likes to say: it's really not that serious. The work that has to be done can, and will get completed if you live your life like a normal person. Your nonprofit will not fall apart if you take a vacation or ask for a raise. I know you may not have realized that you exhibit the behavior of a martyr, but if you think that by working in nonprofit, you deserve sympathy or admiration for sacrificing your own happiness, comfort, etc., honey you fit the bill. My advice? Nonprofit workers need to get over ourselves and stop playing the victim of small budgets, short staff, and weak leadership. It's not your fault, and you don't have to overcompensate for the sins of the nonprofit sector.

Still in denial? Then let's play a little "you might be a martyr if..." shall we?

You might be a martyr in your nonprofit if:

• You stay later than everyone else as a commitment to "the work" or "the mission"


• You sneer at any staff who leave the office by 5pm


• You think you are indispensable


• You can't remember the last time you took a real vacation (i.e. at least a week away from the office doing something utterly relaxing and totally unrelated to work)
  
• You come in to work even when you're sick as a dog


• You never ask for salary increases because you want to preserve as much money in the budget for the programs as possible


• You look 10 years older than you really are

So, please for goodnesss sakes, don't be a martyr. It's OK to have a life. There's no reason you need to suffer for the sake of your nonprofit's cause. It ain't cute and it damn sure ain't helping the communities you serve.

Ready to stop being a martyr? Come join us in DC at the Take Back Your 9-5! Women's Career Empowerment Retreat! Also, if you're a woman who wants to grow and get empowered with a great community of ambitious and supportive professionials, come check us out at Beyond the Glass Ceiling. There's no better way to get ahead than to support ourselves.